The secret to getting men is…

…not being a dirty, drunken, skanky, whore. Seriously.

Women complain about not attracting men. Is it really that f*cking hard? I have heard women, and have also, whined and bitched, about men just wanting hot size zero blondes. Well listen here, bitches, I was a size zero blonde, perfect, hot as could be, and COULD NOT ATTRACT MEN. Why? Because I was a dirty, drunken, skanky, whore. Oh, and when I wasn’t that anymore, I was high and miserable all the time and never showered. And probably smelled like vomit.

Now that I am sober, not sleeping (or attempting to sleep) with everything that points in my direction, a lil’ chunky, and a brunnete, I can’t get men to go away. I pretend I am hot, therefore I am hot.

I went to an AA meeting, and this girl I met out here was sitting by me and she was high as hell. So during about 20 minutes of this poor woman’s awful lead all I could think about was getting high…

…And the routine…oh the routine. Us dopers have our using routines. Mine was go to work (I served at a Ruby Tuesday), text dope boy and let him know when I would be off. I’d run around like a mad woman trying anyway I could to make extra cash because I was sick as f*ck. Being sick at work was like…fabulous torture. I knew I would get relief at the end. I always had something to look forward too.

When you have the dope in your hand, it’s almost like you have already done some. The aches and the nausea and the shits have subsided. I would hold the dope in my sweaty fingers and look at it every few seconds, to make sure it was still there. Oh green straw. I miss you. I remember when I threw my hose clamp away before I went to detox I gave it a goodbye.

Today my truck got a flat so one of my boyfriends (Fireman) came and gave me his truck until I can get a new tire because of course my spare was the one that got a flat so I had no spare. And I whined about spending $100 on a new tire, but if someone came along with drugs I would take them in a second! Strange, I’ll gladly put $100 up my nose, which will last me 4 hours, but to spend $100 on a tire that will last me a few years? YOU ARE INSANE. WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY. Oh, my addict thinking.

So then we went to an AA meeting, I went back to Fireman’s house and got railed by his humungo D and had a massive  wonderful orgasm. And then my sponsors male friend that always is around told me he likes me on Facebook. He is not really my type nor would I consider being attracted to him, but it could be a fun conquest.